Tuesday, October 5, 2010

My Cure for the Blues

The test that started it all.
So today was very "Ugh." Every day that I have Business Math is kind of that way, but today more so. Going to that class just intimidates me. I've really been trying, I've been doing all of the homework, and it just isn't clicking. It's very frustrating, especially because I absolutely have to pass this class. It's a requirement for my degree. My English degree. Yeah, don't ask me.

Today when my professor arrived, he was carrying a massive stack of papers—our tests. Finally graded. But he didn't hand them out until the end, so I spent the whole class distracted, worrying about my grade.

I thought I got a bit of a break when he told us he'd forgot to bring the quizzes. We have a quiz every Tuesday. Instead of just making us take them Thursday or something, he told us he'd give us all a 100 on the quiz. Super! Frankly, I need all of the 100s I can get.

But then he passed out the tests, completely negating any happiness I was beginning to feel.

I failed.


To be honest, I was sure I'd done awful. I wasn't confident about my test at all, I knew I'd struggled when I took it and that I hadn't been able to answer everything. But even still, seeing that grade in red ink on my exam  book was like getting punched in the gut.

I hadn't realized it until today, but I've never failed a test in college. I made a D once, during my Freshman year. But I wasn't trying very hard then, and I didn't know how to study. Now I do, and now I try hard, and I'd tried hard, and that wasn't enough. I made an F.

Needless to say, I left class feeling completely and utterly defeated. And I called my Mom. And I cried.

And I was extra stressed because I had homework to do, and reading to get done, and papers to write. I didn't feel like I had the time to calm down and reassess.

I made myself get my homework done and then I decided I had better make time to settle down because I don't know if you know this or not, but it's super hard to get anything done when you're all weepy and down on yourself.

Enter my cure for the blues.


It's so easy, really. I'm kind of an emotional roller coaster. It doesn't take much to get me down, but it doesn't always take much to get me happy again, either.

I can always count on Starbucks to cheer me up when I've had a bad day. Or to make my day better when I've had a good one. Frappuccinos, in particular, always seem to hit the spot.

Today my cure for the blues was, specifically, a Caramel Mocha Frappuccino. Minus the whipped cream. Completely delicious. In fact, this one might be one of the better ones I've ever had.

Behold. The Frappuccino in all its GLORY.
And since today was a particularly crummy one, I added a slice of pumpkin loaf to my order. My favorite pastry. Well, at least one of them. Starbucks has so many good pastries...

The barista today was super friendly, which is always awesome. And I got a seat by the window. One of my favorite things to do is sit and enjoy my coffee at Starbucks. I just think the atmosphere is really comfortable and cool. Even when it's a little too noisy for my taste, I can still manage to enjoy my coffee and my "me" time, which—if you know me—is rare. I mean, rare that I can tune out noise when I'm trying to relax. But for some reason, in Starbucks, I can do it.

Fortunately today I didn't have to. It was nice and quiet. There were several people there, but most were other college students studying. It was nice.

My view from my table. Love this Starbucks!
Soon enough, I found myself calming down. Sipping my coffee. Stuffing my face with my slice of pumpkin loaf.

You know? Failing a test sucks. But it isn't the end of the world. It's just the first test, I can still bring my grade up. Hopefully. But either way, Business Math isn't the end all, be all. I'll have a life after college. Heck, I'll have a life after my math class. Even if the worst case scenario comes true and I actually can't pass Business Math this semester, there are alternatives. I can take it somewhere else, at a junior college or online. Or I can retake it next semester and hope to do better.

Neither of those are options I'm really keen on, but they are options.

On the bad days, the ones where you see a brick wall when you try to look for the light at the end of the tunnel, those are the days that it really pays off to just take some time and gain some perspective.

So that's exactly what I did. And I realized something. Or, I guess, RE-realized something—I'm not in control, but that's okay because God is. And he's way more qualified for the job.

                      And you know what?

Life is good.


Anonymous said...

you might consider taking an online math course from Blynn...I. know several students that managed their way through business math that way... and, you're right, God does have all of this worked out. It's best to rest in that!

Melody206 said...

Fabulous view from your Starbucks! That's an amazing pic!

Heather said...

its only the first test, you can TOTALLY turn it around! if i can pass math, you can too! ill keep thinking happy thoughts for you. =)

oh the things that they make us take to get our degree in English!

Sarah said...

@Anonymous—Yeah, that may be what I end up doing if this class continues downhill from here. I’m only worried about that because I’m supposed to graduate next semester and I’m afraid I won’t get my grades in from Blynn quick enough to show up on my transcript; I don’t want that to mess up my application for graduation… :-\ But we’ll see! It’s an option, even if it’s not my favorite one.

@Melody—Thanks so much for the comment! I always love when you drop by. :-) And I’m glad you like the pictures! I LOVE taking pictures at/of Starbucks. And if you think it’s good, it must be—you’re the expert! ;-)

@Heather—I sure hope so! I’m praying I will, and I have to make an appointment with my professor to ask what I can do to do better the next time. *crosses fingers* And I know, right? I’m an English major! I hate math! *sigh*

June said...

I'm so sorry for the 'ugh' in your day. And Math. Oh, how well I relate. I can do almost anything, just don't stick me in a Math class--and for an English major? Really? That never made sense to me either (I ended up with a minor in English and major in Psych).

Do they have tutors available? Or any type of Math labs?

Yay for the Starbucks rescue! And I'm glad you got yourself refocused and also reminded that God is the one in control!
It will work out, Sarah. I just know that it will. If I had lived a bit closer, I would have bought your Starbucks today and been there in your corner, reminding you how awesome you are at so many other things! This too shall pass!

Matt Bukaty said...

*thumbs down to standardized tests*

-sosophys (I feel important with that name)

Sarah said...

@June—Thank you! And I completely agree! Business math? But I’m so not a math person! I just don’t get it. My friend has been tutoring me, but there are tutors available through the school I think. I may have to do both. Ugh. This semester is just so dang busy!

Yes, I’m so glad there’s at least one thing that consistently cheers me up! Thanks so much for the words of encouragement! You’re such a blessing, and I always love reading your comments on my blog! :-)

@Matt—You and I, my friend, once again agree. Thumbs down, indeed.
I like your important name.