Friday, February 12, 2016

Balcony Introspective

It feels later than it is. My body is worn out, pretty much everything hurts. It's been a long day, crazy busy. I'm in San Antonio working a trade show. I'm staying with two other ladies, and they accidentally booked us a room with a single king, so we got upgraded to a suite with a king and they comped us a rollaway bed.

I've never been upgraded to a suite before, much less booked one. It's crazy big, in this great old hotel that used to be bank. When you walk into the room, which almost certainly used to be an office, you take an immediate right down a long hallway. There's the bathroom to the left--a ridiculously huge thing with a jacuzzi tub big enough for a party, a shower with two shower heads across from each other, the biggest vanity ever to only hold one sink, and you can't get anywhere without having to make a trek.

Past the bathroom is the bedroom, with its King, a flatscreen, and a chair.

If you continue down the hall, you get to my room. The living room. The lounge. The perfect spot for my rollaway (although it would've easily fit in the massive entry hall). A couch, two chairs, a table with two more chairs.

But the balcony. Oh man. Easily four times the size of the balcony I had at my apartment. I have the perfect view of the San Fernando cathedral. Directly below me is the River Walk. 

I've been sitting out here for two hours now. I've watched people meander through the courtyard in front of the cathedral, stop to take photos. I've seen a horse drawn carriage, all lit up with tiny lights, clip-clop steadily down the street, between the cars, which make up a spaced out but steadyily moving procession.

On the rooftop adjacent to me, two adults and two children are dancing. The rooftop is a restaurant and bar, but it is closed, and these four have the space to themselves. I'll never meet them, almost certainly, and yet in a way we are sharing this moment together. We all are, the city and me.

I've heard honks, and shouts, and laughter. Music. From restaurants below, and bars. The soft hum of countless tires on concrete. The heartbeat. The sounds that are so easy to tune out on a day like today, hectic and draining. The kind of day where my mind and body are tired and I never even wanted to come out on the balcony in the first place.

But now, here I am. And I don't want to go back inside. Going back inside means letting this day come to a close. One more day gone by. It's quiet, introspective moments like this that I find myself wondering how many more moments like this I could've had—could've made, could've stolen for myself if I weren't so caught up in "Busy". In "Too Much To Do". In "Too Tired".

But it's beautiful, isn't it?

These moments, however fleeting, when we are alone yet surrounded by people. At ease, perhaps sitting in the shadows, watching the world and marveling at our place in it. The significance we ascribe to our lives, even as we acknowledge its relative insignificance. 

We are all one in a million, and one of a million simultaneously.

What a marvelous thing.

Goodnight, San Antonio. I look forward to our next quiet moment together.

Thursday, December 31, 2015

2015, is it goodbye already?

Here we are, it's New Year's Eve and once again I've been mostly quiet this year on my blog. Sure, I could lament about the rut again (but haven't I already?) or waste a paragraph making excuses but that's not fun and New Year's Eve is supposed to be fun, so I'm skipping that bit in lieu of the good stuff, or at least the stuff worth talking about. 

I should start by confessing that, upon deciding I wanted to do one last post before 2016 officially arrives, I spent the better part of an hour cycling through passwords and searching for any jotted memo because I could not for the life of me remember my password and get myself logged in. So there's that, I mean if there was any shred of hope I had of tricking myself into thinking it hasn't been far too long, it sailed right out the window with that little hiccup. But, after giving up on figuring out the old password and resetting, here we are. Together again. How sweet it is.

It's been a crazy year. A wonderful, hectic, frustrating, painful, glorious, fabulous year. I've been busier than ever and I've grown a lot, I got to travel several times this year, to some really great places. I made sure to pack my schedule. I've come out of my shell a lot, I've made a solid handful of changes personally, professionally, spiritually. It's been a ride, for sure. Somewhere in the middle/end of the year, I began to realize that a lot of things that I thought I found fulfillment in had actually become a stress. I had spent so much time piling things on that I overextended myself. I promised too much and I overcommitted and I burned out.

I've talked in years past about making changes, but this year I can finally and enthusiastically say I have put my money where my mouth is. I've made tangible, literal, actual movement in a direction. Any direction. I've learned, and am continuing to learn to let go of things that don't bring me joy and put my efforts and energy into things I'm passionate about. I'm going to be selfish with my time—that is to say, I'm making myself a priority and I'm getting involved with things I think will better me personally. And I'm taking a step back from things that aren't moving me forward.

So I guess this can count as a post about resolutions, about life changes and all that. It's kind of scary. Financially, it's a risk. But if these last few years have taught me nothing else, it's that letting yourself get stagnant for fear of discomfort, or failure, or change can be just as big a mistake as any mistake you might actually make. 

First and foremost on my list is writing. Which, if you couldn't tell from the last sentence of the previous paragraph, I'm a little rusty at. With writing comes reading. But that's just the tip of the iceberg. More on that later. I haven't been this excited going in to a new year in a long time. I truly cannot wait to see where I'm lead next.

So cheers, 2015. You've been a lot of things to me, you've meant a lot of things to me, and I am so grateful. 2016, I have a feeling we will be fast friends.

Once again, thanks to all of you who still pop in and visit once in awhile. I know I haven't had much to offer this year, but I still appreciate you all very much. Looking forward to meeting y'all back here again soon. 

Happy New Year!

Friday, April 10, 2015

A Game of Ketchup

Okay, ketchup is really a cheesy euphemism for catch-up. But as my last several posts have included some sort of apology or excuse for the lack of blog posts for (let's be honest, the last year or so) quite some time, I'm not even going to bother repeating myself.

I had a dream last night about blogging, and that seemed as good a time as any for an update. I've missed it, even more than I miss college maybe (and I miss college SO much, you guys). Plus, on top of the blogging bit, my dream was a good one so why not make at least part of it come true? Especially considering I don't actually remember all of it, just the part about the blogging.

A lot has happened, y'all. Lots to talk about, plenty of fodder for future blog posts. I'm still working where I've been working, but I'm a totally different person now than I was even just a year ago. Also, I have acquired a new dog. In addition to the other two, which I still have. And I had the super cool chance to work on an indie film, which I will most definitely dedicate an entire blog post (or more!) to. Lots of really cool things happening. 

As for what I'm doing right now, right this second? Well, I'm recklessly staying up late to preorder Apple Watch. (But seeing as how one of my last posts involved preordering iPhone 6, is anyone really surprised? I thought not.) I'm still in a solid debate between the two sizes, and the price points, but I'm nothing if not impatient, so come 2:01 am I'll have some sort of decision made, and some amount of money spent.

I know I said I'd review the iPhone 6 once I got it (I love it, but also sort of wish is sprung for the 6 Plus, but that's another story), but this time I definitely will be posting a review after this preorder. Because I've never owned wearable tech like this, and while I'm excited like I am for every Apple product pretty much ever, I'm also curious to see how useful I'll actually find Apple Watch to be, and how quickly it does or doesn't find its way to my gotta-have-it-every-day list.

So wish me luck, here's hoping whatever model I decide to go with doesn't sell out before I get throw my money at Apple, and thanks again for sticking with me through a blogging dry-spell and lots of repetitive promises to do better.