Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The Big Two-One

I seem to find myself on the cusp of officially being an adult. Sure, 18 is the first 'step' to adulthood, but let's be honest - 18 came and went. And who can believe how fast? Now I'm staring ahead at the big two one. The final checkpoint before I am officially and legally my own responsibility.

What a frightening concept. Especially that last part. You know, the part about being officially and legally my own responsibility. Think about it, that's pretty heavy. Up until then, and in this case saying "for my entire life" isn't an exaggeration, I have been taken care of and have never been in any real danger of screwing up my life when I make mistakes. Heck, I'm in way over my head in credit card debt, and when I say way over my head I do indeed mean it. I've never been in a wreck while I was driving, and I don't pay for my own insurance/cell phone bill/gas/rent. And I know that as soon as the 16th hits doesn't mean that my parents are going to cut me off completely. But it's still quite a stepping stone.

Of course, I'm incredibly excited. 21! Heck yes, let's not beat around the bush, I mean I've been waiting for this for...oh, 21 years? Okay, maybe not quite (unless you want to get literal) but at least for the last year I've been looking forward to 21 more than I did when I was 18, 16, or 13.

The fact that the 17th of May won't mean unbelievable change in my life doesn't change the fact that it's weighing a little heavy on me.

I feel as though I should be more 'adult' than I am. I also feel as though I'm running out of excuses to not be.

You know that old 'saying', "I don't want to grow up, I'm a Toys-R-Us kid"? Yeah, see the thing is...I took that to heart. More than you can know. I still don't want to grow up. I'd rather sit at home and watch TV than work to earn a living to support myself, pay rent, buy a car, put gas in aforementioned car, buy groceries, pay off credit cards, have a cell phone, buy furniture, pay vet bills, doctor bills, dentist bills, insurance, and anything else that I'd never have even imagined having to pay for.

I don't know exactly how to want to grow up. I suppose, at least in some inadvertent way, the simple fact that I'm mulling it all over shows that I at least have an interest in it...But who's to say, really?

I feel like I've lost track of my thoughts. Maybe that's a sign that I should wrap it up.

1 comment:

Mary Malcolm said...

Also, the losing track of thoughts thing might be a sign of getting old. Just sayin'.

And don't put too much pressure on yourself. I watched a show the other day...Okay, I'll admit it, it was Oprah...and the women on there were talking about how much pressure they put on themselves in their twenties and how they didn't realize how unnecessary that was until well into their thirties.

Life is crazy short. We've got 80-100 or so years to live it, and some of us have a lot less. Rather than putting pressure on 21 year old you about how grown up you should be, maybe just ask yourself if you're living the life you want to live.

If you answer yes, then great!

If the answer is no, then figure out what you need to do to live that life, and go to it.

You're a wonderful woman, a great friend, and an overall pretty good person. So unload your pressure, sista, and enjoy your 20's!