On Writing and Willfulness

Sometimes, even though I love to write, it's hard for me to just sit down and make myself do it. And when I do finally reach the point of more or less chaining myself to my laptop and forcing my fingers to plunk out word after word, it almost feels like a chore.

It shouldn't, right? I mean, I love writing. It's what I want to do with my life, in some way or another. So why is it so hard for me sometimes?

Is it just because I'm lazy? Or is it because I'm afraid?

Sometimes I think it's both.

There are days where I sort of feel the urge to write, but I'm distracted. I keep thinking of other things I could be doing—or other things I should be doing. Being a student clashes with being a writer sometimes. I want to sit down and work on a piece, but all I can think about is that research paper I should start. Or finish. Or perfect. Or the video I need to watch so that I can answer those questions over it that will be discussed in class. Or the book I should be reading in case of a pop quiz. (Or how I'm so tired of doing homework and reading for school that during my free time I just want to throw myself onto the couch, switch on the TV, and mentally vegetate for a little while...)

I know education is important. If I didn't think that, I sure wouldn't be putting so much money, time, effort into it. I want that degree, don't get me wrong. But sometimes, especially when it concerns busy work, or work that I see as absolutely irrelevant to the things I want to do in my life (*coughMATHcough*), it's really hard to justify stifling a creative urge to look up congressional election statistics.

But other times, I think homework or laziness or lack of inspiration are just excuses. Poor, pitiful little excuses made up by a person who doesn't really want to admit to being afraid.

It's like I expect to never write garbage. Not ever, not any time. And that's just not feasible. Or realistic.

Brings to mind Ernest Hemingway's famous quote—

"The first draft of anything is shit."

I don't always believe that's true, but at the same time...there's definitely some truth in it. In other words, it doesn't make sense to put so much pressure on myself. It's not like I'm doing something wrong if I don't sit down and spill out a masterpiece in a few hours with no edits.

In a way, I think that's what I love so much about NaNoWriMo. It's one of the few times that the absolute insanity of the deadline creates an excuse in and of itself to not think too much or too hard about what I'm writing and instead to focus o the act of writing itself. To get the idea down, to flesh the story out. Editing is for later.

I've always been told that oftentimes the pieces that end up getting cut out of manuscripts are the pieces that the author loves the most. I never understood how that could be—how a scene or series of events favored by the author could somehow not fit in the story they created.

But you know what? It's true. I found this out myself in a longer piece I'm working on. The section I wrote that I felt was the strongest, that I was the most proud of, doesn't actually fit anywhere in the story. It's kind of mind-boggling, really. It probably sounds just about as crazy (especially to someone who isn't a writer, or who doesn't know any personally) as when I try to explain that just because I created a character doesn't mean I have complete control over what they do. But it's true. If you create a character, give him or her a lot of depth, background, personality, you'll start to find there are things they just won't do. It can be very tiresome when trying to write a scene in which your character just...isn't havin' it. But it happens.

Sidenote: I just watched a really great movie with my Mom over Thanksgiving break. It's called Miss Potter (about the woman who created the lovable Peter Rabbit) and there's a scene in this film that reminds me of what I just mentioned. She's talking to her illustration, which is misbehaving, and she says something along the lines of, "You better stop that, or I'll write you out!"

Anyway, that's the point of NaNoWriMo. To just get the story out, I mean. The idea is that unless you get it written down, you'll never have anything to edit. I'm constantly having to remind myself of that. Because all too often, even if I have the urge to write, if I get the feeling that I don't know where the story is going, or that I'm too tired or distracted to put my whole heart in it, I start to tell myself it's better if I just abandon the idea for the moment. But that's not the case. Some of the better stories I've written have come at times when I'm grasping for inspiration. It's always a very pleasant surprise.

So my advice to any of you out there with aspirations to write and anxieties about when and where to do it—the best methods, the tricks of the trade—would be simply this.

Write.

Because if you don't start there, if you don't start with a blank page and pour words out onto it, you'll never have anything. And if you never have anything, you sure as hell won't ever have anything great.

Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving is one of those holidays that always comes and goes faster than I expect. Unlike Christmas, which encourages at least a month-long build of anticipation and enthusiasm prior to Christmas Eve and, even better, Christmas Day, Thanksgiving doesn't get a lot of hype.

Let's face it, it comes fairly soon after Halloween. It isn't Hallmarks biggest card-seller. And a lot of the decor that's Thanksgiving-related fits nicely into a sort of general "It's fall! Hooray!" category. Sure, there are turkeys. Pilgrims and Indians. But I don't think I could name you any catchy songs about them. I don't see much of them on sidewalks or in shop windows.

I see carved pumpkins, witches, and ghosties.

Then I see Christmas trees, tinsel, and brightly colored lights.

Thanksgiving is vastly overlooked. It's a Thursday, and we eat a lot more than we should. And that's about it.

Which is a shame, seeing as how Thanksgiving is the perfect time to remind ourselves, and to be reminded, just how thankful we should be for everything that we've got, that we are, that we have been given.

Which is why I decided to post my list of 50 things I'm thankful for. To which I'd like to add one more.

51. I am thankful for the fact that I have so many blessings to easily fill a list of fifty. And to fill a list far longer. I had to make myself stop for fear of driving people away with a never-ending list of awesomeness.*

That being said, I hope everyone took at least a moment to sit down and really count their blessings. IT may not be, "I'm thankful for my new Ferrari," but just as important are the, "I'm thankful for the socks on my feet so they aren't so cold," or the, "I'm thankful for that one picture that always makes me smile." Thanksgiving doesn't have to be about giving thanks for all the big, awesome, amazing, and totally fortunate things in your life—though it can be. But it can just as easily be about all of the little things that make our lives so much easier. Things we often forget completely because—and maybe I'm not speaking for you, but I'm definitely speaking for myself—we've become so accustomed to some of those little things that they seem like a given. A fact of life, rather than something fortuitous.

But the fact of the matter is, those little things could be gone in an instant. They leave us just as easily as they come. It's important to remember that, and to not grow so comfortable that we forget what a luxury comfort really is.

*I'm totally using #24 on my list!

Turkey & Dressing & Pies, Oh My!

Thanksgiving. A day in which I eat lunch and dinner in elastic-waisted pants, never shy away from second helpings, and eat far too much pie than is necessary for any one human being. A day in which families come together to celebrate and stuff their faces with delicious, mouth-watering foods.

A day in which I was fortunate enough to see my Aunt Donna and Uncle Jim, along with my parents. Being off at school is hard, especially for someone like me. I'm a major family person. I have a great relationship with my parents, and in that I am truly blessed. I know this because I know several people who can't say the same. Or who flat out don't. Who, in fact, may even claim the exact opposite. Who dread going home for the holidays because their families drive them absolutely bonkers. I'm very grateful that that's not the case for me.

My Thanksgiving was excellent.

I slept in until eleven. Ish. My Aunt and Uncle had already arrived, so I made myself presentable as quickly as possible. (Remember, elastic-waisted pants. Easy-peasy.) My mom and my Aunt were already busy with food prep in the kitchen. My Dad and my Uncle were in the den watching football. And I flitted between both rooms—hovering over the pots and pans, which smelled absolutely heavenly, and sitting in for some conversation in the den as well. What can I say? Throw me in some comfy pants and a sweatshirt and I become a social butterfly.

But seriously.

The turkey was in the oven, potatoes were being peeled, onions were making us cry. The green beans, nearly forgotten amidst the rush of mashing potatoes, seasoning the main course, and readying the pies, were prepared last. We also had sweet potatoes topped with marshmallows, browned to perfection. Gravy, warm, thick, and perfect for topping. Dressing, ever the crowd favorite. We had a veritable feast laid out before us by the time we were done.

Red wine, to be sipped. Turkey, to be...gobbled.

Sweet potatoes + marshmallows = <3

Mashed potatoes. A personal favorite.

Green beans. Delicious!

And I re-learned some basic etiquette while I set the table. Spoon and knife on the right, fork and napkin on the left. Plate nestled between, of course. Though for our purposes, we made the napkins obviously accessible by plunking them smack in the middle of the plates.

I did this.

These plates are just begging to be piled high with food.

We gathered around the table and the food was served. For us, Thanksgiving dinner is more of a late lunch/early dinner affair. Somewhere around two or three, we settle in for a dining extravaganza. And since there's no rush, it can easily last several hours. Especially when one factors in the time spent sitting, slouched back in our chairs, desperately wishing we could unbutton our pants for a little breathing room (What did I tell ya? Elastic is the way to go...) while our food digests enough for us to have room for dessert.

Food options. Ready to be tabled.

The dinner table setup.

My hearty first helping.

This year, our dessert lineup consisted of three different pie options. Pecan, Pumpkin, Chocolate. A trifecta of deliciousness that would please even the most fickle of sweet-tooths. I should know. I have one of those, myself.

The trifecta.

By the time we had each snagged as many helpings as we liked, of both main course and dessert items, we were full to bursting. And once again we drifted out of the kitchen. My Dad and Uncle returned to the den for more football. My Mom and Aunt took over the living room, chatting to their hearts content. And once again I traveled from room to room, never one to miss out on any good conversation.

I was very proud of Tucker, who behaved like a perfect gentleman the entire time. Even though I'm sure his sensitive little doggy nose was overrun with smells that would make any persons' mouth water. He's such a good boy. He did his Momma proud.

Tucker wants to help make the dressing.

The only problem with Thanksgiving is that by the time the food has been eaten, everyone sort of slips into food-coma mode. In which case conversation can become sluggish. Eyelids start to get heavy.

And, as is always the case when concerning the things we enjoy, time simply flies by. Before I knew it, Aunt Donna and Uncle Jim were headed out. They had a bit of a drive and weren't keen to make it in the dark. I can't say I blame them. Especially on an evening when I'm prone to want to turn in early anyway.

I wish they could have stayed longer, but I'm just really glad I got to see them at all. And especially glad that I was able to make it home. It's been great to be with family for the past few days, and I'm admittedly unhappy that Thanksgiving break is basically over.

But I had a wonderful Thanksgiving, and I hope all of you did, too! And anyway, just think...Christmas is coming soon!