Random Thoughts

You know those forwards that always pile up in your inbox? The ones that have titles that make you think, "This might be interesting," but since it isn't actually important, you just leave it there, thinking one of these days you'll get around to reading it?

I get a lot of those. Sometimes I even forget that they're there. And then I re-discover them, as it were, several weeks—or months—or years—later.

And then there are times that I actually think a forward is worth saving. You know, for a later laugh. And rediscovering them makes me realize that yes, there was indeed a good reason that I saved them.

I just found one of those. And I thought it was worth sharing.

It's called "Random Thoughts of the Day." Maybe you, too, have received this forward. I actually think I got it over a year ago. They aren't literally my random thoughts. As in—disclaimer—I didn't write them. I believe they actually originated from thoughts listed at Ruminations.com, so I definitely want to give credit where credit is due. I'm posting the ones that I completely relate to or that make me literally laugh out loud. Or both.

So enjoy.

Random Thoughts of the Day

• I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

• More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story, which is not only better, but also more directly involves me.

• Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

• Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning 180º and walking back in the direction you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy for randomly switching directions on the sidewalk?

• I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

• There is great need for a sarcasm font.

• Sometimes I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize that I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

• I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little big harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

• How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

• I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than make 2 trips to bring in my groceries.

• I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

• The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

• "LOL" has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud," to, "I have nothing else to say."

• I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

• It really irritates me when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

• Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron is absolutely petrifying.

• Whenever someone says, "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart," all I hear is, "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart."

• How many times is it appropriate to say, "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

• I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in line at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

• While driving yesterday, I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

• MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

• Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

• I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

• Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

• I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

• Bad decisions make good stories.

• Whenever I am Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

• If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

• Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a problem...

• You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

• Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

• There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

• I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

• I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

• "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

• I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. "I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?"

• I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dang!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run?

• I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle. Then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

• As a driver, I hate pedestrians. As a pedestrian, I hate drivers. But no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

• Sometimes I'll look down at my watch three consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

• I keep some people's numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

• Even if I knew your social security number, I still wouldn't know what to do with it.

• I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

• I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night, more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

• The other night, I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, I saw they had given me four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel fat before dinner.

And if you want more, definitely check out Ruminations.com. It's excellent for a good chuckle. And also, the included pictures are from NatalieDee.com. If you have never visited, you are missing out and you should check it out right after you read this post. But be careful—it's easy to spend several hours going through her archives and laughing your head off.