The Big Two-One

I seem to find myself on the cusp of officially being an adult. Sure, 18 is the first 'step' to adulthood, but let's be honest - 18 came and went. And who can believe how fast? Now I'm staring ahead at the big two one. The final checkpoint before I am officially and legally my own responsibility.

What a frightening concept. Especially that last part. You know, the part about being officially and legally my own responsibility. Think about it, that's pretty heavy. Up until then, and in this case saying "for my entire life" isn't an exaggeration, I have been taken care of and have never been in any real danger of screwing up my life when I make mistakes. Heck, I'm in way over my head in credit card debt, and when I say way over my head I do indeed mean it. I've never been in a wreck while I was driving, and I don't pay for my own insurance/cell phone bill/gas/rent. And I know that as soon as the 16th hits doesn't mean that my parents are going to cut me off completely. But it's still quite a stepping stone.

Of course, I'm incredibly excited. 21! Heck yes, let's not beat around the bush, I mean I've been waiting for this for...oh, 21 years? Okay, maybe not quite (unless you want to get literal) but at least for the last year I've been looking forward to 21 more than I did when I was 18, 16, or 13.

The fact that the 17th of May won't mean unbelievable change in my life doesn't change the fact that it's weighing a little heavy on me.

I feel as though I should be more 'adult' than I am. I also feel as though I'm running out of excuses to not be.

You know that old 'saying', "I don't want to grow up, I'm a Toys-R-Us kid"? Yeah, see the thing is...I took that to heart. More than you can know. I still don't want to grow up. I'd rather sit at home and watch TV than work to earn a living to support myself, pay rent, buy a car, put gas in aforementioned car, buy groceries, pay off credit cards, have a cell phone, buy furniture, pay vet bills, doctor bills, dentist bills, insurance, and anything else that I'd never have even imagined having to pay for.

I don't know exactly how to want to grow up. I suppose, at least in some inadvertent way, the simple fact that I'm mulling it all over shows that I at least have an interest in it...But who's to say, really?

I feel like I've lost track of my thoughts. Maybe that's a sign that I should wrap it up.

Plans Shmans

So sometimes it becomes painfully apparent that I actually have little to no control over my life. Don't take me too literally - I'm not saying bad choices = no responsibility, or that if I want to get up at 8am it's someone else's fault if I didn't.

No, I mean the more irritating and day-ruining kind of non-control. Like, when you're driving along and all is well, you pull a U, and suddenly my car is making a terrible CHUG-CHUG-CHUG-GRRR-GRRRRRR-GR! Or you know...something akin to it. And when you press down on the gas, your car is like, "No dude...ain't happenin'. Don't you hear that AWFUL NOISE I'M MAKING?!!!"

Yeah. This happened to me today. And I have proof! And by proof, I mean the above picture. And I totally had bigger and better plans. You know, the kind that don't involve pulling my car into the nearest community and parking in front of the house.  The kind that didn't have me waiting for about half an hour for my mom to come rescue me, and another half hour after that for the tow truck to come get my poor little car. (Which, if you're wondering, cost a ridiculous $92.50) The tow man said he thought it sounded like I blew my muffler --I later found out that I didn't blow my muffler. Instead, I broke a spark plug. Or something like that. Whatever. Anyway, moving along.

After my car was towed away, my mom and myself made a trip to Applebees. If you know me, or if you continue to read this blog, you'll already know or quickly learn that Applebees is one of my favorite places to eat.

I'm going to chase a rabbit here for a sec because I can and because I want to. And because I was discussing it with mom just the other day.

I eat for fun. 

Yeah, not a great thing. But also not quite what you think. I don't eat ALL the time, or even WAY TOO MUCH whenever I do eat. However, if you ask me where I want to go eat at, I'm going to pick somewhere I've been before. Somewhere I've been before and had a good time at. I tend to think of places to eat based on experience. For example, I love going to Applebees because I eat there a lot with my family. It's also one of the places that my dad and I have intellectual/political/religious/in-depth/worthwhile conversations. Which I always enjoy. So yeah. Applebees = love.

Here's one of the reasons why Applebees ROCKS. My mom ordered water, she always orders water. She cracks a joke about having lemon wedges to make it fancy. What does the waiter bring out?

THIS:: *see below*

Anyway, we did that. That was fun. But for the most part this entry was meant to be about how you can be going along with your everyday life and suddenly BOOM! It doesn't matter what you've planned, how far in advance you've planned it, how WELL you've planned it, or how well you didn't. Your plans have officially been altered. 

It can be very very irritating.

What I SHOULD be doing is...

Listening in class.

But I'm not. I've tried. For serious. But when I get here and everyone starts talking, something happens. I bet you're dying to know what I'm talking about. I can feel it, no -- that doesn't say enough. I can TASTE that you want to know what I mean.

Here it is.

They open their mouths...I turn off my brain. 

I'm not sure how or when it started happening, but I think it prrrrobably happened when I began to realize that a lot of the talking is actually absolutely irrelevant. And that's a big problem for me. Thus, I do other things. Write, think about stuff I want to buy, worry about how much debt I'm in, contemplate politics, wish I played an instrument, think about how I could be home sitting in front of the TV and learning just as much as I am in here with my brain shut off and my fingers clacking on the keyboard with little regard for whether or not I look like I'm paying attention.

Now I pause, take a drink of water, continue to look filled with nothing but disinterest.

I really did that, by the way. It wasn't a little fictional input. Just if you cared. I decided that you might. I just gave you insight. Personal insight. How cool is that?

Here's the thing. We get to class, sit down, 'mingle' a little (or, in my case, criticize those who actually ARE mingling and judge them harshly and with little to no remorse. Which, I admit, isn't completely fair. I mean, I don't like to be judged, but that Golden Rule thing finds itself lost on me when I'm sitting in this class. That and I'm fairly certain that they too look at me sitting in the corner, clacking on my keyboard, and think "Gee, what a stuck up girl she is! She's not even paying attention!"). THEN we talk about writing news.

I like writing news. Really, and I'm not meaning to be sarcastic. Last semester, I really enjoyed the writing news portion of our class.

BUT.

In this class, it seems like writing news = anything you want to talk about. Including, but not limited to, movies, TV shows, politics, personal opinions, "my first chapter", and LASIK.

Lasik?? = Creative WRITING?

Yeah, so call me a cynic.

It's true.

And now, unfortunately, my laptop is nearing the end of it's battery-life. So it looks like my insensitive disinterested clacking has come to a premature end.

That's all.